and in personal news....

It's my Panda's birthday today!  My Panda, for those of you who don't know, is really Andy who I've been dating for about four months now, and he turns 26 today.  I don't think I'll be able to see him until tomorrow because he's working, and it's also Sarah's birthday today.  She's throwing a BBQ at her house later.  Should be a blast.  Great weather for it, too!  Holy God I'm so glad it's warm!

Still technically unemployed.  I've been applying to professional jobs, but it seems like an utterly useless gesture.  And I can't believe how many customer service places I've applied to and still nothing.  I suppose I should've taken that call center job...but then again, I don't think I would've been able to do what I did with Majesitc Mountain (a local film company who hired me to write a movie trailer).  Ugh.  Life, financially, blows at the moment.  Especially now that I had another coritzone injection in my backside.  $1653 total.  No insurance.  On top of student loans.  And no job!  Whoopee!



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Anyone who hasn't heard the news yet, I've decided to become an online freelance writer. In order to get paid for my work, I need to generate a certain number of hits to my article. My first article is a review for the movie Little Children (DVD), which you can read here. If you can spare a moment, please visit this website, even if you don't have time to read the brief article. Many thanks!

And if you haven't picked up the Spring issue of Bitch magazine, check it out, page 18. Seriously!

work dilemma

So, I've been working at Cumberland Farms in Portland for a week now. And I just got a phone call today about another job at an Episcopal Church in Yarmouth.

This week at Cumby's I'm working 32 hours @ $8.25/hr = $264/wk.
If I get the job in Yarmouth I'd be working 24 hours @ $11/hr = $264/wk.

The job at Yarmouth is 9AM-3PM. 6 hours/day, 4 days/week.
This week at Cumby's I'm working 3-11PM, although times may vary from week to week. 8 hours/day, 4-5 days/week.

I'm not so sure I know what to do, and hey, I might not even get the job in Yarmouth. But that would be good because it would be putting my skills to work using Microsoft Publisher (which I guess is equivalent to Adobe PageMaker and Photoshop) writing and publishing the church newsletter.

Guh. Neither job is what I REALLY want for myself, but right now, I can't afford not to work.

But the job in Yarmouth would help me gain more experience for a job I may want in the future (i.e., publishing & layouts). And with Yarmouth I wouldn't have to be on my feet all day.

P.S. They want to start training in Yarmouth TOMORROW!!! I'm supposed to work from 3-11 at Cumby's!!!


In other news, I may be buying a 1979 Mercedes-Benz the color of Candy Apple Red - how sweet would that be?

what the fuck is happening?

i want to like myself again. i thought i was on that path...but i'm making the same mistakes. i'm acting like a fool. and i'm taking others down with me.
this time of introspection and self-construction is being put on hold, and instead i'm filling a void with distractions.
where is my path in life? have i completely lost sight of it?

i heard a line tonight in the movie The Departed. it went, "Death is hard. Life is so much easier." well, it's really hard to not see it the other way around right now.... no, don't worry your pretty little heads about anything.

little miss homemaker...little miss homewrecker. guh.

and i love him so much that i hate him. weird, huh?


i have mono. found that out yesterday, started taking medication for it today. i'm already feeling a little better, but still really shitty and it's very difficult to swallow.

today i got another call from my doctor regarding my liver. it seems as though the enzymes are elevated or something so i'm at risk for damaging my liver if i consume any alcohol or too much Tylenol--not that i was planning on boozing any time soon, but just knowing that my liver's at risk kinda scares me.

just got back from my doctor's...

and it's not strep, but i did get tested for mono, and if that's not it, then i'm getting a prescription as if i'm being treated for tonsilitis. thank god something's being done about this! ugh, i don't ever want to go to the emergency room again! my doctor's so much better! i should be getting a call regarding the results soon....

ah, this amusement is just what i need right now

Type in "yournamehere looks like" in a google search and list the first ten.

Meredith looks like a million dollars in her tailored suit, short skirt and high heeled pumps, as she begins to parrot a mumbo-jumbo of technical ...
Meredith looks like a bass lake and it is fishing like a bass lake.
Meredith looks like she has orange elf ears!
Meredith looks like a wild old event alright.
Meredith looks like she just got whacked over the head with the news.
Meredith looks like shit. Seriously.
Meredith looks like she's on oxygen diet (way to skinny!).
Meredith looks like she's about fifteen.
Meredith looks like she has to go pee.
Meredith looks like a future set-up/closer, and Peavy’s going tomorrow.

unhappy home

My mother and I have been at each other lately (what else is new, you ask). I really need to get out of here. It's way too long and layered to get into the reason why she and I are arguing all the time, so I won't bother. If you know my mother at all and have retained anything I've said about her in the past, then you can probably figure things out on your own. Most recently, though, she gave me a hard time about not wanting to go to the family reunion this Sunday (which is held EVERY first Sunday of August), because, according to her, I hate her family. Which is totally untrue. True, some of them I do feel awkward around, for various reasons I could only come to find out by really getting to know them, but overall I don't hate them. In fact, I've been discovering lately that I really enjoy the company of some of them, like my mom's cousin Mary Lou. Right now, in my life, I really feel like Mary Lou and I can relate on a level I don't with other people (even though she's in her 60s), and I feel like we understand each other in ways that others would otherwise overlook in us. But my mom tries to make me feel like shit for "hating her family"--and she does use the word "hate;" a bit dramatic, if you ask me--even though I get to see her entire family at least once a year, if not two or three times. Whereas with my father, I can't remember the last time I've seen some of his family.

Ugh, anyway, the reason why I especially don't want to go to the reunion this year is because Lee and I have been planning a weekend trip for a while now, but just couldn't find a good weekend to do it until now. We're going to New Hampshire, and possibly Massachusetts--sounds like he's got something up his sleeve that he wants to surprise me with, I dunno--to visit towns with our names.

I just hope I'm over my cold by then.

Work has been going well. This Saturday I'll probably be making my first phone calls to recruit donors, and I'm excited and nervous about it, but I think I'm just about ready. I couldn't have asked for a friendlier working enviroment.

God, I hate her, I really do. I hate the worthless blob my mother has become. She gives me shit, as soon as she comes back from being OUT, about watching something during her soap opera hour (WHEN SHE WASN'T EVEN HOME!!!!) And I just caught her nodding off. I hate watching her waste the last third of her life plopped on that couch in front of the TV, awake or asleep, a plate of various unhealthy foods in her lap or on the coffee table. But what the fuck am I supposed to say to her to get her to stop? If she doesn't want to stop, if she can't recognize that it's a problem, then she's not going to stop. And I don't want to stick around much longer to watch her die that way.


i found $20 today (aug. 5th). it was stashed away in a box full of old letters i'd saved, and i just happened to be going through them tonight when--BAM! a crisp $20 bill revealed itself.

yeah, that totally made my night. that, and the large wafflecone ice-cream with three different flavors--i'm surprised i didn't puke!

oh, j/k about not getting a call back from my temp. agent, p.s. i got a job with the American Red Cross as a sales rep./donor recruiter. i started today (aug. 5th) by watching a couple of videos (one being a sexual harrassment video, which is always entertaining--quality acting!!!), and reading/filling out papers on policies and procedures...kinda boring, but when i go back on monday i'll be learning the computer program and listening in on the calls to donors. so, i guess i'll do a little recruiting while i'm at it now....apparently there's a HUGE shortage of blood donation in the new england region, so if you haven't given blood before, or if it's just that time again, totally do it! i think when i'm finished with this job i'll go out with a bang and donate blood--i've never done it before! the job is only 16 hrs a week for four weeks, but i think that will be a good schedule for me for now. maybe i will take up a job as a waitress just to score some extra spending dough. we'll see, though. one thing at a time, one thing at a time....

P.S. I rented a few movies tonight, and I started by watching Me Without You, which was interesting, had a great soundtrack, very realistic situations (I could relate on multiple levels), good acting, some corny moments, awkward scene transitions, and a very abrupt ending. Overall pretty good. Next up, either The Basketball Diaries or Broken Flowers.

And I'm going to go now before this moth (or the fisher cat, hehe) eats me alive!
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